Monthly Archives: March 2009

March 30, 2009 · 4:32 pm

The Conquering Ego

egoWhen the chips are down, asking for help can be risky business.  There are some folks, however, who are all too comfortable leaning on others; they are altogether an entirely different story.  For must of us though, asking for help is like making a deal with the devil.  It means admitting that we are not the rugged, problem solving individuals that society expects us to be.  Once we ask for it, we surrender our control; we become weak, needy and incompetent.  We have a tendency to act as though it’s a complete and total character deficiency, as if we are letting our guards down to somehow invite hurt and embarrassment in.  God forbid our request for help is used against us.  We worry about what will be expected of us in return.  What price must we pay for this help since modern civilization has adopted a reciprocal relationship system (tit-for-tat) so that we don’t feel indebted to those who answered our call?  There is also the fear that we may present our request to the wrong individual and then suffer with a lifelong hovering and patronizing relationship. 

Help me.  How can two little words (three if you’re polite about it) have so much drama attached to it?  And where did the drama come from?  Deep down inside us – in one of our special places – lies an insidious beast that operates solely and inconspicuously on preventing our humility from being nurtured.  This beast is Egocentricity.   This egocentric thinking keeps us wrapped up in our own definition of a thing, even if it may be false.   Most individuals, especially those that genuinely love us, want to help us and more importantly have a need to help us.  They derive a pleasure, a personal satisfaction, and a (perhaps fleeting) sense of purpose to something outside themselves – when helping others.  

People ask me for help all the time, and I give it… freely.  I also know that I don’t judge those that ask me for help, nor do I condemn them to my egocentric thinking.  On the contrary, I credit their strength and courage to recognize their limits as well as their willingness to stretch outside themselves to push past what they know – into what they don’t know.  And sometimes this means requesting help.  How can I consider this to be a strength in others and yet a weakness in myself?

In order for me to even the playing field, I need to let my ego know that I can not be identified on the basis of my achievements – or lack thereof.  It should also learn that I have no need to always be right, (even though I do really like to be) and that I am superior only to my former self.  I will not concern myself with what others think of me, even if their opinions are valued and loved.  Life is not a game to be won, nor to divide it’s participants into groups of winners and losers based on our own egocentrically driven ideals.

Trust, not control, will determine my course.  Faith in another, not certainty of outcome, will be my guide.  We can’t always know/be/do everything, sometimes we will need help, even if it is just a safe place to express that we can’t always know/be/do everything.  I will apply this understanding to myself and I will be better at asking for help, more direct in my approach and with less consideration to my unfaultering ego. 

The choice is mine.  Now it’s time for a chat with my pride…

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March 24, 2009 · 3:37 pm

Be Brave… if you feel like it.

Pfizer Canada Inc. has a new campaign.  It’s called “more than medication” and it intends to be instructional on improving your health and wellness beyond just the use of medication.  It’s a brilliant philosophy; one I wish I’d come up with myself!   The site offers a plethora of interactive tools, informative articles and everyday tips that are prepared and presented by an Advisory Board of doctors who are considered leaders in their chosen fields, and on behalf of Pfizer.

You may have seen the commercial for this campaign on TV; with the teenage boy who paints the “Be Brave” graffiti outside the small girl’s bedroom.   It’s a very touching sentiment and truth be told I get a lump in my throat each time I think of his gesture toward her. 

As touching as it is, I also feel some bitterness about the message painted.  We are led to believe that this little girl is quite ill, possibly terminal, and we are telling her to BE BRAVE.  Not asking – commanding.  Basically, buck up little beaver, suck it up and put on your happy face because it’s much too difficult for us to deal with if you’re sad or afraid.  It’ll just be harder on everyone, so it’s better if it’s just harder on you.  (That’s not Webster’s definition but its close) So we force a cloak of courage over her and we throw this little girl into battle as a warrior.  Does she always have to be brave?  Are you always brave?  Is it even healthy to always be brave and courageous?  By toting this jargon over and over again to the ill or downtrodden we imply that to have fear or show sadness is cowardice and weak.   It is implied because we have all learned some associations to our emotions – some are good (positive) and some are bad (negative). 

Really they just are what they are… emotions. We determine what we consider good or bad or acceptable or unacceptable.  There is no great Emotions God in the sky dictating that we treat some emotions with open arms and that we turn our backs in disregard to others.  Granted that some are fun to feel while others are not so much fun, but that doesn’t mean they are bad; or not worth having.  We need to stop deciding for other people what is acceptable for them to feel and what we are willing to tolerate from them.

These associations have been around a lot longer than us, and there are plenty more unconscious associations that we make every day.  Why does it matter?  Each day that you go about your unconscious life you may be unaffected by these associations, but be sure that you affect other people, and sometimes in devastating ways that you aren’t even aware of.

I think I will write to Pfizer and suggest they change the words “Be Brave” into “Today I will be brave for you” or “We’re here” or “You’re loved” or something that doesn’t require our egos dumping a burden of guilt on someone who just might not feel so brave today.  It’s OK to be afraid sometimes, let’s tell her that.

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March 15, 2009 · 11:01 am

A woman with no nose.

As a young girl, I would hang around in my grandfather’s workshop daydreaming the hours away.  Above his bench there was a small black cast iron plate that read “I once complained that I had no shoes… until I met a man with no feet”.  Even as a young girl that resonated with me.   My grandfather and his bench have been gone for 30 years, but that simple quote still plays in my head. 

The other day I stood patiently in line for the cashier at the corner Dollar Stop.  An old woman in front of me (moving impossibly slow) had far too many packages and bags for her cane to allow, and not near enough nimbleness of fingers to find her wallet and count out her total in coins, which I knew to be inevitability.  With her back to me, I passed the time imagining her haggard features and the events of her life that led her to this moment in time where she now stood before me and my ultimate freedom from the store.

In one quick second the old woman lost her wallet to the floor and the coins bounced and rolled in all directions.  Instinctively I dropped to the floor to begin the task of retrieval.  I quickly gathered her entire payment into the palm of my hand and gently extended my hand to the woman …whose back was still facing me.   She turned slowly and deliberately, (only later did I consider it a mustering of courage) and the old woman looked me in the face with the gentle eyes of a long lived life. 

There was a white surgical bandage running the length of her face, starting at forehead space between her eyes and stopping just short of her thin and chapped lips.  More startling than the presence of this white bandage was the absence of the bump from her nose.  The bandage was neatly placed, without wrinkle, and placed as smoothly against her skin as it would have been upon a tabletop.  I could hear the insensitive gasps of shoppers behind me and I squared my shoulders to block them from her view.  I kept my eyes locked on hers and with a genuine smile I took her small hand and placed her coins into them.   Her hesitancy broke my heart and in the same moment I suggested that if she was interested in throwing her money away that she might give me a moment to prepare a bag for catching it.  With this small joke the cashier giggled and the old woman smiled and spoke to me for the first time; an offer of thanks and an explanation of age for her clumsy nature.  With that, the old woman was gone and I was left with my silent curiosities and a total abandonment of my earlier impatience.

On the ride home the old woman dominated my thoughts.   Again I considered the events of her life that had led her to this moment.  The courage and strength she must wear out of the safety of her home like a coat and the sheer pleasure of a simple outing to the Dollar Stop.   This was a teachable moment for me.

What I take for granted can sometimes be as obvious as the nose on my face.

~uberscribbler

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March 4, 2009 · 2:38 pm

This bridge is for you.

I’ve been asked recently, by more than one individual, why I’m doing this project.  The answer to that runs much deeper than a one or two sentence reply.  I do aspire to help people, to be available to them in whatever capacity they need from me, and to educate on the simple cleverness of just being.  However the full truth runs deeper still.  It’s who I am, it’s who I’ve always been.  I’m a traveller… an explorer of humanity and mortality. 

When my father was a young man on the cusp of his adult life, he came across a poem written by Will Allen Dromgoole.  This poem opened in him the truth of who he was and who he wanted to be.  Like my father, I am a bridge builder.

An old man, going a lone highway,
Came at the evening, cold and gray,
To a chasm, vast and deep and wide,
Through which was flowing a sullen tide.
The old man crossed in the twilight dim;
The sullen stream had no fears for him;
But he turned when safe on the other side
And built a bridge to span the tide.

“Old man,” said a fellow pilgrim near,
“You are wasting strength with building here;
Your journey will end with the ending day;
You never again must pass this way;
You have crossed the chasm, deep and wide-
Why build you the bridge at the eventide?”

The builder lifted his old gray head:
“Good friend, in the path I have come,” he said,
“There followeth after me today
A youth whose feet must pass this way.
This chasm that has been naught to me
To that fair-haired youth may a pitfall be.
He, too, must cross in the twilight dim;
Good friend, I am building the bridge for him.”

 ~Will Allen Dromgoole

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March 3, 2009 · 2:32 pm

AM900 CHML Talk Radio Interview

logo_chml2I will be having a 5 minute chat radio interview tomorrow afternoon with Jamie West from AM900 CHML on his “Health Matters” program from 12-1pm. 

Tune in at 12:10pm and have a listen!

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March 3, 2009 · 11:27 am

Muse Photography on Cable14 Coffee Break TODAY!

coffeebreakThe interview with Mike Fortune from Cable14 will be airing today at about 25 minutes after most hours and again on the 9th at about 5 minutes before most hours.   The producer will be dubbing me a copy and I hope to have that feed onto the website for those of you without basic cable services.  Special thank you to the Associate Producer, Kathleen Foster, for all her sincerity and warmth.

This weekend I’ll be taping a feature segment with Cable14 for their LINKED show!  Stay tuned for airing details.

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March 2, 2009 · 5:36 pm

A Statement of Need is a Statement indeed!

insanity1I have spent a considerable amount of time exploring the link between physical healthcare (the body) and psychological healthcare (the mind) as it pertains to the Canadian government healthcare system.  All of the mandates from the Minister of Health right on down is about protecting the health and safety of all Canadians.  I may need to check the Minister’s handbook for their definition of health to be sure, but I think I’ve managed to establish a gap. 

Amidst a sea of body do-gooders, there is one organization or unit that promotes mental health, aiming to maintain and improve positive mental health and well being for all of the population.   You just have to be mad dog crazy in order to use these resources.  I mean eyeball rolling and frothing at the mouth crazy.  If you are only confused, frustrated, and slightly twitchy.. well.. you likely won’t get the referral. 

It seems to me that we’ve spent decades and decades socially engineering ourselves with unhelpful help.   Fast forward to the year 2009, where the conditions of life and moral hazards are shadowed only by imminent economic and ecological disasters of global proportions.  Us worry?  Pishaw!  I can only imagine that the eyeball rolling might be on the rise, and then we will see a bottle-necked system struggling to put out the insanity fire.  Good news for all the “ologists” out there. 

I’m disappointed with the policymakers and their reactive care.  What good is their PhD in textbook knowledge when there is no understanding that the body dies without the mind?   I bet Mr. PhD sees the dentist every six months for some preventative maintenance and attention.  Where’s my mind maintenance?  Just a little cleaning is all… loosen up the guk and keep me on the straight and narrow.   Stop me from this inexorable spread into the common pool of lunacy.   Well… at least I will have shiny teeth…

With this project and my plight to expose just a small aspect of emotional wellness (in relation to a cancer diagnosis) I have comfortably fallen into the role of emotional educator and resilience scientist.  Through my discussions and interviews with people struggling with this disease the best cocktail I found to offer them was to approach them with consolation and encouragement and leave them with confidence and inspiration.   We should treat everyone we encounter with the same ingredients.  A very human philosophy aimed to help people help themselves.  To heal their minds and dig deep for their own resilience.  We must become a race of doers and not just helpers.

Imagine for a moment what it would be like to live in a society where most folks were emotionally well-adjusted.   Where well-being had human value,  putting the health of our minds and emotions on the same level as our bodies.  Less crime, less hate, less self-pity and loathing.  That’s just to start.  One might even be able to hear choruses of Kumbaya coming from under street bridges and that stranger that passes you on the sidewalk might just say hello and look you in the eye.  Spend real time with real people talking about real things.  Needs, wishes, desires and even fears. 

What could be more important than validating someone’s existence?  Try it.

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